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Tuesday, 11 October 2016

EFIWE ARTICLES: 10 Types Of Assistant Boyfriends | Ladies, Which One Would You Prefer


There is a set of guys we popularly call assistant boyfriends. Just like the name suggests they are assistants to the real boyfriends. Some people might mistake it for a friend zoned guy but they are different. An assistant boyfriend is the mid-point between the real bobo and the one who has a duplex in friend zone avenue. 

The type of assistant boyfriend a guy is and the level of smartness will determine whether he becomes the main bobo or the friend-zoned one. 
Assistant boyfriends are important to most ladies because they play active and decisive roles to them and like I opined earlier, an assistant boyfriend has a good chance of upgrading to the main guy or downgrading to a friend-zoning. ABF as I will refer to it subsequently is not as good as being the main bobo but it's definitely better than being in friend zone. One thing I want us to note is that many of us have been ABFs at different times. While some of us have ended up as main guys some among us also have become BOT chairmen as friend zone corporation. For others in multiple relationships, you might be a main guy in one and ABF in another.

Here are the 10 types of ABFs from my observations.
1. ABF Finance
He is the Dangote and Bill Gate rolled into one. The real money bag so to say. He's in charge of all her finances. The wicked ladies might want to refer to him as "maga" or "mugu" but that's unfair because bros is only being generous. Whenever she wants to pay her school fees, rent a new apartment, pay her rent that's due or go on a shopping spree, his name is the one that pops up in her head. He's the financier and caters for her financial needs. If he's smart enough he might get more than the hugs and kisses and get to visit Aso Rock Villa but you can never tell with some guys. Dear lady are you feeling broke? Please look for an ABF Finance.

2. ABF Emotional Affairs
He's in charge of emotional matters. He's most susceptible to ending up in a friend zone. He's very close to the lady and also a confidante but that's also his albatross. He's knows everything that goes up in her relationship and acts as the chief adviser. He also advises her on who to date and who not to. You'll always hear things like "Wristbangle see David has started again o, he's no longer picking my calls" or "Tosyne2much can you believe Akin used another girl's picture as his dp?" Or "smellymouth do you know that cute guy in our department? He just asked me out, should I tell him yes? Whenever she has issues with her bf or gets heartbroken, it's the work of the ABF Emotional Affairs to provide emotional support; a shoulder to cry on. In fact some go the extent of having the contact of the main nigga and act as mediators whenever there's a conflict. I was once in this category with a girl but in my own case a shoulder to cry on became a deek to ride on.

3. ABF Religious Affairs
He's the brother in the lord. They are mostly Bro David, Bro Samuel and Bro Joshua. Bros sees her as the one whom God might have chosen for him but she sees him as just her brother in the lord. On campus, he's always coming to share tracts and devotionals with her. They read and study the bible together. They pray together. In fact if she has problems, bros sometimes to join her in fasting or even fast on her behalf. But because of his religious creed, he cannot even ask her out straight up. They are both workers in the fellowship and while Bro John hopes and pray God opens her eyes to see him as her dream husband, sister Rebecca continues going off campus to spend the weekend with Lalasticlal.a the main guy. At home, they know him in her house as the brother who comes every evening to do voice training with sister Hannah and discuss biblical issues with her. They know that every Sunday morning Bro Rasaq must come to their house to remind Sister Balqiz that they will be going for Nasfat prayers that morning.

4. ABF Stomach Infrastructure
Like the name suggests, he's responsible for stomach affairs. She remembers him whenever she goes hungry. He's the one that takes her out for meals, buys her snacks and drinks. Whenever she feels like taking peppersoup and malt on a friday night, his name comes into remembrance. You'll hear things like "and I feel like eating Shawarma oooo. Ok let me call kinglekan" I know many of these guys back on campus then. They are always ready to take the girls out to Tantalizers, Spices to take peppersoup and sminrnoff or to eat Amala Skye bank in Bodija with assorted meat yet they can't buy even one bottle of Satzenbrau for their guys. At the end of it all na ordinary hug u go collect as thank you while she uses the energy given to her buy the food you bought to ride the main nigga to heaven.

5. ABF Repairs and Maintenance
Baba is always the one responsible for repairs and maintenance of household items. If you fall under this category, you know yourself. You are always remembered when her wall socket gets burnt, she wants to change the bulb, her wristwatch suddenly stops working, her laptop needs to be reformatted, her small tiger gen is refusing to start or her extension bo blew off, then you fall under this category. Well December is almost here and she wants to repaint her room, bro go and get some of your clothes you no longer wear, change into them and grab the goddamn paint container and brush abeg.


6. ABF Defence and Strategy
These ones are the defenders of the universe both online and offline. Whenever she posts a picture or write up on facebook or instagram. They are there to give her multiple likes and give her sweet comments. If anybody tries to give a negative comment on her, they go berserk launching missiles, grenades and nuclear weapons. On campus they are always there following her about as security guards. If the lady is the saucy type that can yab a dead man back to life, it is the ABF Defence and Strategy she runs to after finnaly getting her cup full and abusing those stronger than her father. You will hear her running and shouting at the same time "mrcork oooo I don abuse some mad guys o abeg come threaten them with your range rover"

7. ABF Logistics
He's the on in charge of logistics. He follows her to the bank to deposit or withdraw, she wants to collect a new atm card, he'll escort her, her line has been blocked and wants a retrieval, he's there with her. She wants a new apartment, he'll be the one to go and scout, find the agent and caretaker, get painters and electricians to fix the apartment. He's the one to help her copy assignment, he will go online, finish the assignment, type it, print it and spiral bind. He'll do 80% of her final project. Get the "engineer" to repair the faulty gen, go to dstv office to help her pay for subscription, take her gas cylinder out for refilling, help her get a carpenter to repair the kitchen cabinet, take her laptop for repairs. Baba is everywhere at every time. 

8. ABF Miscellaneous
Baba is in charge of recharge cards, data subscription, subscription for dstv, lawma fees, money for fuel, buying of a new charger and earpiece after the old one got burnt, buying of new bulbs and wall sockets, refilling the gas cylinder, new cartons of noodles and provisions. Baba is not as financially buoyant as ABF Finance so he can't be burdened with the major expenses so the minor ones go to him because he's either a civil servant or his daily earnings come from baba Ijebu or bet9ja. Once her dstv sub expires, she picks up the phone and call "HungerBad dear please my dstv subscription just finished and I must watch Saloni and Married Again tonight, baby please help me out" or "Vizkiz! sweetie my gas has finished o and I was planning to cook for you this weekend o. How are we going to do it now? And the thing is just 3800"

9. ABF kpanshing
Baba has nothing to offer other than his long and rigid tool and also his strength and virility in bed. Baba gives her multiple orgazms due to the rough and hard way he handles her in bed. Baba blows her out and knocks her off every time they tango in bed. The match always looks like a Chelsea vs Atletico Madrid match. She always leaves for home satisfied. Although they might not be emotionally attached but she doesn't joke with baba as nobody does it better than him.

10. ABF General Secretariat.
Baba is the jack of all trades and master of all. He multi-tasks all the above roles together with to much expertise. The ultimate utility player whose versatility is second to none. He's the closest thing to the main guy and might end up becoming one.

Do you think this list is complete or I should have added or remove some? Kindly show your opinions in your comments.


Written By: @Bekwarra

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